dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
