dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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