I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I love you. Go after that dick
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
