they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
