i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize