Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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