Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
