have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
