U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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