Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
