some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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