Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
