Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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