White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
