Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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