some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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