Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
