life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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