my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
