Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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