I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
