Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
