All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think pants incapable of making pants work
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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