Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just invented taco cereal.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize