Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
