i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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