I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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