Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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