We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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