i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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