Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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