im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
ttyl tear gas
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
