Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
