Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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