He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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