I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
