meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
