i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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