mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
