my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
50% drunk capacity currently
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
