I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
