Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You ruined the universe
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
