I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
