You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
