I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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