Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
