the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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