god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
