Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
