there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i think im in europe. pls send help
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
