I am spending my child support on dildos
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
