I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
