Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize