Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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