That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
