When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
