I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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