OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
