He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
