If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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