Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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