worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
