we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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