Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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