I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
