like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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