Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
