Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
