Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize