I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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