sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
