covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
